1. Start with Heart

Focus on your real goals for the conversation and relationship. Clarify your motives and avoid the “either/or” trap-seek solutions that benefit everyone involved.

2. Learn to Look

Be alert to signs that a conversation is becoming crucial (e.g., strong emotions, high stakes, differing opinions). Notice when dialogue stops and people turn to silence or aggression.

3. Make It Safe

Create an environment where everyone feels comfortable sharing their views. If safety breaks down, pause and restore mutual respect and purpose before proceeding.

4. Master Your Stories

Examine your own assumptions and interpretations. Separate facts from your personal narrative to avoid misjudging others’ intentions.

5. State My Path

Share your perspective clearly and respectfully. Use facts first, then explain your interpretation, and invite others to share their views.

6. Explore Others’ Paths

Encourage others to express their thoughts and feelings. Listen actively and ask questions to understand their reasoning and emotions.

7. Seek Mutual Purpose

Identify shared goals and work collaboratively toward outcomes that satisfy everyone’s interests. If necessary, reframe the conversation to find common ground.

8. Move to Action

(This is an often missed step, but an important one)

Agree on clear next steps and responsibilities. Document decisions and set follow-up times to ensure accountability and progress.